The first thing you notice pulling up to Joe Patti’s in Pensacola, Florida is the large, bustling parking lot. Private cars and commercial trucks from stores and restaurants juggle for spaces as a continuous parade of coolers are carried from the market and loaded. The second thing is the fishing boats pulled up to the pier, delivering the freshest seafood possible. Inside, it’s clear that this family-owned business is in its third generation and the owners and workers take a lot of pride in their products and service. The place is spotlessly clean and the workers are the best combination of friendly and efficient. There is even one person in charge of handing out and calling numbers to keep the counters full without too much crowding.



An intriguing sign… the Idiots tried to imagine bringing fish back two days after purchasing it…

The air had the distinct tang of ocean breezes, but no fishy smells assailed the nostrils. A stroll down the display cases revealed an extraordinary array of the bounty of the sea. Familiar offerings shared space with exotic and occasionally bewildering items. Just a few examples…
FRESH WHALE (sic) SOFT SHELL CRAB $5.29 EACH
IKURA: SALMON ROE $32.99 LB
MASAGO: SMELT ROE $8.99
TOBIKO: FLYING FISH ROE
RED/GREEN $34.99
ORANGE 16.99
SMOKE (sic) SALMON $12.99
SWORDFISH LOIN
WILL CUT TO ORDER
SPECIAL SALE $9.49
MAHI MAHI FILLET $14.99
HALIBUT FILLET $11.99



A window into the working area behind the counter provided literal and figurative insight into the business of providing fresh seafood to numerous businesses and individuals residing along the Panhandle of Florida. The Idiots aren’t sure what was being dismantled – but when they returned 30 minutes later there was still a lot of whatever it was left to be cut up.



Buy it whole… or for $.20 a pound, they’ll customize it for you. Don’t forget to ask for the backbones!

Who wouldn’t be thrilled to find 5 pounds of select oysters under the Christmas tree?

This bruiser would easily feed a family of four… had to be 5 pounds… but also totally cool just to look at.


Don’t want the hassle of kill-it-yourself lobster? (They can make a noise when being boiled that sounds like screaming…) The Idiots saw a man and his elderly mother polish off three of these guys sitting at one of a few booths that surround a sushi counter.

More variety… Egyptian crawfish, squid, frogs legs, baby octopus, backbone, rib bones, calamari, smelt… and who could ever pass up a special like this…
SPECIAL! SPECIAL! CHEEKS/THROATS GROUPER/SNAPPER/TRIGGER
Only $4.99 a pound!



The Idiots were confused. Joe Patti’s was listed on Tripadvisor among the top restaurants in Pensacola – but there was no restaurant! What there was? A very good sushi chef making the most of the abundant fresh ingredients and providing amazing stuff on plastic plates for folks willing to place their cultured derrieres at formica booths to savor the sushi and sashimi and fried dumplings and shu mai…

The Idiots were over-served at the sushi counter, so there was no way they could consider hitting the deli section for dessert or ice cream. Then they emerged from the store only to be confronted with a special food truck – and all restraint and common sense escaped them.


Hmmm… let’s see… a half dozen beignets, hot from the oil… share one, then enjoy the rest down the road…
Naw… sit at the outdoor table next to the fishing boat… eat all six… complain that their bellies could not make space to try any of the other varieties…
And you think you’ve had a rough day!
