Remember the Sam Kinneson comedy routine?...
"Nothing grows here!!!!!!! Nothing's gonna grow here!!!!!!"
I knew that the soil wasn't the greatest, but I've successfully grown things in pure dry hard clay before at my previous house. You just select tough plants and nurture them until they root in. Not so here. It's like little munchkins come out at night with flamethrowers and bottles of sulfuric acid.
I've tried the toughest plants I could think of and nurtured them through the season only to have them croak with alarming rapidity and regularity. Here's a list....
Fountain grass, mondo grass, barberry, nandinas, black eyed susans, echinecia, monarda, mexican hat, mums, cleome, boxwood, hollies, hen and chicks, zinnias, blue indigo, dianthus, bachelor button, snake plant, sunflowers, and peonies.
I may have left out a few.
Seeds won't germinate or die after a slow, sickly start. Potted plants curl up and die. Cannas grow there but only reach 2 feet and never bloom.
The only things that have survived and done well....
Daylilies
Prickly pear
Gaillardia.
That's it!

What the bloody hell could be wrong with this bed?? I'm thinking about putting out tombstones instead next year and making it into a plant cemetary. The way things have gone the stones will probably turn brown and fall over.
On the other side of the patio steps from this bed I carved out a small new bed in which everything has done very well, so I know it's not just the area. And I consider myself a fairly experienced gardener.
I'd love to hear any and all theories! Thanks!
Cap'n Tim