The Holy Grail of Hostadom

bengal · Post by **bengal** » Jul 26, 2007 8:32 am

Call it Caught Red-Handed.

And while you're at it, what with all that gene-splicing and stuff, I suggest adding some fiddly microscopic bits of a nice flaming-red coleus. Result = the soon-to-be-infamous Hosta Scarlet Woman.

VThosta/daylilylover · Post by **VThosta/daylilylover** » Jul 26, 2007 9:12 am

There are loads of scientific studies to support these methods, but I'm not telling you which ones. Everyone with a PhD knows that this is how you make red hostas, and they shared the secret with me just before our weekly Bingo game.

eastwood2007 · Post by **eastwood2007** » Jul 26, 2007 9:47 am

at y'all!

flowerchild59 · Post by **flowerchild59** » Jul 26, 2007 10:50 am

What a hoot, you all.

hostadad · Post by **hostadad** » Jul 26, 2007 8:30 pm

Linda...I'm surprised at you silly! The solution is so simple. All you have to do is feed the salamanders Alfalfa meal, than save it's droppings and plant them with your hostas. By the way, I know you're pulling the wool over our eyes because you successfully experimented with Salamander Poop already and I have pictures to prove it! I scanned these two before and after Photos of your dairy farm from the "New England Journal of Medicine and Reptiles". Ha ha! Bet you didn't think I would actually check for the facts, did you.

David.

bengal · Post by **bengal** » Jul 26, 2007 8:37 pm

Whoa! I had no idea they're making hostas as big as cows these days!

What ever will they think up next?

hostadad · Post by **hostadad** » Jul 26, 2007 8:52 pm

Well Bengal........If you've ever been to Linda P's. you wouldn't be so surprised how big she can grow them.

Jamie · Post by **Jamie** » Jul 26, 2007 8:57 pm

Alright Folks.. I think Woodstock is over so you can put the pipes down

maidofshade · Post by **maidofshade** » Jul 26, 2007 9:50 pm

But did you mulch??

Homer_Zn5 · Post by **Homer_Zn5** » Jul 26, 2007 10:04 pm

Woodstock, wasn't that Snoopy's pal?

Frankly, you guys are making a mockery of my science, and if you don't watch out, I'll start ignoring all of your posts! Now bow down and declare me king of the red hostas.

Seriously. I know you think I'm kidding, but I'm not.

Homer_Zn5 · Post by **Homer_Zn5** » Jul 26, 2007 10:05 pm

hostadad wrote:Linda...I'm surprised at you silly! The solution is so simple. All you have to do is feed the salamanders Alfalfa meal, than save it's droppings and plant them with your hostas. By the way, I know you're pulling the wool over our eyes because you successfully experimented with Salamander Poop already and I have pictures to prove it! I scanned these two before and after Photos of your dairy farm from the "New England Journal of Medicine and Reptiles". Ha ha! Bet you didn't think I would actually check for the facts, did you.

David.

Those hostas look so big that you can't jump over them! Did you train the cows to relieve themselves on the hosta?

eastwood2007 · Post by **eastwood2007** » Jul 27, 2007 12:32 am

Oh, my! What is happening to this forum this week?!!!

Is it radiation or the nearly-full moon?

Or did someone leave the Salamander's gate open!?

There's alot of fertilizer being spread around!

GibbsCorner · Post by **GibbsCorner** » Jul 27, 2007 10:15 am

There are several tools you can use to extract DNA from a salamander. The process is "patent pending" but here's a hint:

(Note that no salamanders were harmed in the posting of this message

)

Matt

janey · Post by **janey** » Jul 27, 2007 10:47 am

Very cool!!!
Haven't been into hybridizing but I can do this!!
I'm off to shop....

List;
deep red paint, environmentally friendly
neon Halloween thingys
black light
isotopes
one cow
something to smoke

And boots. Very very high boots.

Linda P · Post by **Linda P** » Jul 27, 2007 11:50 am

janey, Hip waders. Chest-high hip waders.

BTW, Homer, I've not been able to teach the cows to make their deposits on the hostas without flattening them.
Have you ever seen the size cowpie a Holstein makes?
I'm really not questioning your science at all, hence my offer of the salamander idea. Just think of where that could take you. You could grow a whole row of Royal Standards, plant them next to one Great Expectations, and have a row of GE look alikes with fragrant flowers. No more struggling to keep those little GE's alive.
hostadad...I really must have been asleep at the wheel on that one. Off I go to feed the salamanders with alfalfa meal.

And the full moon isn't even here yet.
Linda P

eastwood2007 · Post by **eastwood2007** » Jul 27, 2007 3:50 pm

(really hard, now) at y'all!

addieotto · Post by **addieotto** » Jul 27, 2007 11:04 pm

Homer,

I am not surprised that you have kept your streaked breeder under wraps but it's time to share with the world. Congratulations on your success.

I stole this leaf from your garden after the cat knocked it off the plant. I swear it was the cat.

Sue

myskyblue2 · Post by **myskyblue2** » Jul 28, 2007 9:18 pm

Someone's been sniffin the fertilizer

thy · Post by **thy** » Jul 28, 2007 10:36 pm

Sorry bengal

It is the other way around

Farmes have had big ploblems with their weeks of vacation, could not get any help for the vacation month.'

After years of debating with veterians... how to cool down a cow when I am on vacation

one smart veterenerian reziced the cows.... now they can go on vacation too - in the van

Linda P · Post by **Linda P** » Jul 29, 2007 8:45 am

Pia..would you get me the name of that vet? DH hasn't had a vacation since 1983. Really. 24/7/365 for most of the last 42 years, with the last vacation 24 years ago.
Pocket-sized cows might work...oh, but then the amount of milk they give would also be reduced. And who would eat the weeds in the hosta pasture? Tiny cows would get lost under those monsters. It sounded like a good idea, but never mind. We'll stick with the full-size version.

Linda P