CALL YOUR MOTHER!
Don’t take that too literally. As Mothers’ Day and Fathers’ Day approach, the Idiots are aware that many readers’ parents have moved on. But bear with them… these episodes sometimes resemble the Idiot' journeys themselves – they wander but they eventually arrive at a destination.
Among the English phrases the Idiots find most irritating is “Self-made Man.”
SELF MADE MAN by Bobbie Carlyle
America celebrates individualism, so it is not surprising that the idea that a person has faced life’s challenges alone and has achieved through their own efforts is attractive.
Attractive concept - but nonsense. Nobody reaches maturity on their own. We are all the amalgam of a multitude of diverse influences. The Idiots grew up in a small Midwestern town… think Lake Wobegone… where for good or ill, everyone knew everyone else’s business. Idiot He says he is living proof of that old African proverb “It takes a whole village to truly screw up a kid.”
Among the many influences, most of us have some “heroes” and “zeroes.” These are the folks we admire and despise who provide the positive and negative templates that help us determine what kind of people we want to become. Bette Midler puts her finger on it when she sings “Did you ever know that you’re my hero/ and everything I ever wanted to be” but it is equally effective to change the H in hero to a Z and put an N in front of ever. Whether we are doing it consciously or unconsciously, we respond to those role models – both positive and negative – and grow up as part of an intensely interconnected human community.
There’s no such thing as a self-made man. Even a guy raised by wolves owes the pack a debt of gratitude.
We all have influences, and most of us have heroes and zeroes… but a few of us are fortunate enough to find mentors. They are not just role models – they invest themselves, entering into relationships providing guidance and support as we are becoming humans.
When a muddled, confused, seventeen year-old Idiot He entered college, He was on track to become a mediocre mathematician or a very unhappy engineer. He was required to take a year-long course designed to “humanize” technology-besotted undergraduates before they crystalized in self-absorbed nerdism. Many freshmen thought the course a waste of time. They were given the odious task of reading great literature and it was the demanding task of the professors to, if possible, get them to think about and discuss what it means to be human.
They had an unlikely ally. Every week, these proto- scientists and engineers were tuning in to Star Trek to see what their hero, Spock, was doing. In spite of his relentless rationalism, he was (like them) forced by circumstances to explore his human side. They commiserated with him – then tried to find time to slip their required Dostoevsky reading in between Physics 8.01 problem sets and solving advanced differential equations.
Idiot He was lucky. He fell into a relationship with an extraordinary professor. She combined incisive intellect with immense kindness. For much of his college career, Idiot He would wander into her office once or twice a week. She would patiently listen to his angry rants and depressed soliloquies. She laughed at his adolescent jokes. She read his turgid prose and execrable poetry and was unreasonably gentle in her criticism. She gave him the gift of time and attention in a college that encouraged competition and solitude. Her kindness may have saved his life.
But it wasn’t all about nurturing. She also gave his brain a workout. He was used to arguments – opposite sides each trying to win the day. He found his mentor wasn’t interested in fighting. Instead, no matter what they were discussing, she always seemed to bring a unique viewpoint from an unexpected angle, leaving him bewildered until He could drop some firmly entrenched prejudices to be able to approach the issue in a whole new way. For example, as he was struggling through the 1350 pages of Tolstoy's epic "War and Peace", challenged by the huge cast of characters and intertwined plots and sub-plots and philosophic insights - she commented that it was a very funny book! This was not the humor of a laugh-tracked TV sitcom... it was the humor that is the opposite side of tragedy in everyday human life. That remark was pivotal in his understanding of the Russian soul and He immersed himself in exploring 19th century Russian literature. He, too, found much of it to be very funny!
Spending time with his mentor was the mental equivalent of a workout with heavy weights. The stretching could be painful, but the end result was more rigorous thinking.
A visual example of coming in at an angle... The phrase “split rail fence probably evokes an image something like this view along the Blue Ridge Parkway in North Carolina…
But approach a split rail fence from a different angle and you discover something that is at once just the same and totally different…
After graduation, Idiot He lost track of his mentor. She left her teaching position and pursued several interesting life paths before settling in as a religious recluse in the mountains of Virginia. Years later the Idiots “found” her. Idiot He set himself the task of finding three individuals who had mentored him… his first grade teacher, his high school drama director, and his college mentor… and thanking them for the profound differences they made in his life. He accomplished his task and communication was re-established.
Out of respect for her privacy, they won’t publish her picture or go into detail about her life now. Let it suffice to say they have visited her twice in the last several years and it is a great joy to spend time basking in the fierce intellect and gentle soul of this remarkable woman.
So – don’t put it off. You, gentle reader, had someone who served as a spiritual mother or father in your life. Don’t put it off – who knows what tomorrow will bring. Pick up the phone! The simple gift of gratitude warms both the recipient and the giver.
Call your mother!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
No ray of sunlight is ever lost,
but the green which it awakens into existence needs time to sprout,
and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest.
All work that is worth anything is done in faith.
Albert Schweitzer
------------------------------------------------------------------
The Idiots spent several days wandering the backroads of North Carolina, Virginia, and Kentucky. They particular enjoyed their off-season drive along highway 51, a scenic byway Virginia has dubbed “The Crooked Road.” It was gray and misty most of the time, so few photos were taken… but here are a few to give readers a sense of place…
